


Jet-black wings and pure white ones

by Crystalcatgamer



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alluka is a boy in my story, Alternate Universe - No Nen, Alternate Universe - Wings, And it is until he gets all scary again, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Emotional Manipulation, Feels, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I came up with these after reading another fandom with wings too, I mean Illumi think he's being comforting, I mean it's Illumi right?, M/M, Mind Manipulation, No Incest, Possessive Behavior, This is just me dumping my angst on Illumi, We all love the boy, but she a girl because Nanika likes to pop out, yeah no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26788240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystalcatgamer/pseuds/Crystalcatgamer
Summary: Illumi always had solid black wings so big they brushed the ground. His father hated them, hated his black hair and eyes and wings. Hated the stain on their family's long line of only pure white heirs with sparkling blue eyes.Illumi didn't care what others thought and never did, simply binding his wings for the sake of not angering his father.Until Killua, with his glowing white wings and blinding white hair paired with electric blue eyes told him his usually disgusting black wings were beautiful.But black wings had always been considered a sign of misfortune.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck & Everyone, Illumi Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck/Killua Zoldyck, It's just there honestly, Killua Zoldyck & Everyone
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93





	1. When it all began

**Author's Note:**

> oH hEy AnOtHeR fIc

When Illumi was born, his downy baby wings were a soft white. He was declared heir, despite his black hair and eyes. His father would train him tirelessly, determined to bring out the best in his first-born and heir regardless of his hair and eyes. Then his wings began to grey. It wasn't obvious at first, but when it no longer looked white, the family doctor was called in.

Morphing, it was called. A rare occurrence when one's wing color changed from it's birth color. A drastic change in color like Illumi's from white to black was even rarer. The theory was that it changed according to the person's and the doctor said it had to do with Illumi's state of mind. His mother had fussed over him, saying that now he was truly evil with his all black features against his pale white skin. Father never said anything, but Illumi's could see the disappointment and anger in his eyes.

_(Training had become harsher in a way that never benefited Illumi the moment his wings began to grey.)_

**Perhaps his father was trying to beat the impureness out of him somehow.**

Illumi was feeding Milluki when his mother went into labor, birthing a boy. Illumi knew that his father wanted another heir, someone other than him.

Milluki was the result, but he too failed expectations with his black hair and eyes. His wings were a soft grey, the mixed coloring slightly better than black. But it was clear when the boy's power was controlling his feathers like the drones he liked playing with that he would never come close to Illumi's potential. Tensions were running high in the family.

Illumi had snuck around, listening to his father and grandfather argue. Apparently his parents shouldn't have gotten married, as although his mother was powerful, her bloodlines were another matter. She had dark purple wings with black tips, along with the black hair and eyes that both her sons had inherited.

Years later, his mother got pregnant again, promising that this time she would birth a strong heir. And she did.

Illumi was presented with a shock of white hair and soft white feathers growing from the baby's back. "I named him Killua. That way we can call him Kill." His mother had whispered proudly while his father smiled looking pleased. Illumi knew immediately that Killua would be made heir, even if his wings turned black too. He had inherited at least one of the Zoldyck's traits, and would most likely have blue eyes as well.

He locked gazes with his father and his suspicions were confirmed. Illumi handed the baby back to his mother and left the room. He despised the thing with everything he had, the thing that everyone would dote on as the new heir, the proper heir and favor him. He could only take comfort in the fact that the child would be enduring heir training far longer than him. For now he would simply stay away from Killua.

* * *

"Son." Illumi turned as his father entered his room, cradling a three year-old Killua. "Help take care of Kill. Your mother is busy with Alluka, and it's time you two started spending more time together. Honestly, even Milluki is closer to him then you." Father spoke, depositing Killua into Illumi's arms.

Illumi froze, meeting curious blue eyes as their father left. Immediately Illumi dumped the child on the floor and jumped onto his bed. Killua stood up, toddling to the bed towards Illumi and attempted to pull himself up. His tiny white wings fluttered uselessly and Illumi immediately pushed the toddler back onto the floor. Tears pooled in the child's eyes and Illumi knew if he started wailing Mother would nag him for hours. He picked up the boy, awkwardly attempting to rock him. It worked, and Illumi wiped away the tears.

"My name is Illumi." He said tersely as Killua attempted to climb on him. "Illu!" The boy warbled, successfully climbing onto the teen's shoulders. Illumi sighed, pulling the boy off.

"Illu! Black wings!" The boy spoke, wiggling out of Illumi's grasp and reached for the teen's wings. Illumi went rigid and dropped the boy, flaring his wings. Killua stumbled, landing onto the bed as Illumi loomed over him.

"Pretty!" Illumi blinked as Killua giggled happily, crawling back to pat his wings. "You think my wings are...pretty?" The teen asked curiously. "Pretty! Beautiful!" The boy cried as Illumi scooped him up with his wings.

No one had ever said his wings were pretty, not even his mother. He stared at Killua, who was nesting comfortably in large black wings. Illumi blinked and slid the boy back onto the bed, causing cries of protests. He fidgeted, watching as Killua pouted. Illumi reached out to ruffle the boy's head, allowing a small smile to grace his face.

_(He would be lying if he said his heart didn't melt ever so slightly as Killua smiled back happily.)_

Killua gripped his brother's shirt, looking around nervously as they went down to the basement.

"Illu-ni, I want to play with Alluka! Why are we here?" Killua complained as they entered one of the dark and musty rooms. "Father has requested I start your pain-resistance training." Illumi replied, motioning for Killua to sit on a table.

"Pain-resistance?" Killua's face scrunched up as he spread out on the table. "It's to prevent enemies from being able to torture information out of you or cripple you with the pain." His brother explains, strapping him to the table. "What are you going to do?" Killua asks, feeling dread pool in his stomach as his brother fiddles with a nearby control panel.

"Shock you with electricity." Illumi answers easily, flipping a switch. Killua screams as white-hot agony burns through him, appearing in forms of crackling bluish-white stripes. Illumi allows the screams to continue for a moment before turning off the electricity, leaving Killua limp as he tries to breathe through the pain.

"Really now Kill. I did better than that when I was your age. This is only Level One; still 4 more levels to go." Illumi chides, smoothing out Killua's hair, which is sticking up. "You...did?" Killua rasps, imagining a young Illumi, unmoving as their father shocked him again and again.

"Of course, I was the heir for 10 years before you. If your big brother could handle it, why can't you? I'll give you Chocorobos if you make it through without screaming." Illumi suggests, looking pleased as Killua nods hesitantly. It takes all of Killua's self-control and eagerness to make his older brother proud not to scream when electricity runs through his body again. A small whimper, nothing more.

"Good job Kill. Just 4 more to go." Illumi praises, patting his head. Killua looks up dazedly, wondering if he can handle it. He fails at Level Three and screams long and loud. "Oh dear. Hm, maybe a demonstration will help." Illumi hums, removing a near-unconscious Killua. Killua drinks in the break, watching as Illumi fiddles with the table.

"See now Kill." Illumi speaks and Killua realizes with a jolt that his brother had chained himself to the shock table.

"I can't reach the panel Kill. Be a good boy and help me. Turn it to Level Ten and flip the switch. See how your Nii-san does." Illumi motions and Killua moves robotically to the panel. He turns the dial with shaking hands and activates the device, fully prepared for loud screams of agony. Instead, there is silence and Killua peeks at his brother.

Illumi is still, his face serene as the electricity crackles on his skin and charring his already black wings. He unbound them at some point to feel more pain, Killua notes, gaping at his brother. He switches the machine off hastily, causing Illumi to open his eyes.

"See, that wasn't so bad." Illumi speaks as Killua unstraps him. The albino looks up as his brother with wide-eyes, nodding eagerly. "Now let's continue." Illumi finishes, hoisting Killua back to the table.

_(And if Killua ever felt like screaming, he would remember his big brother's strength and shut his mouth.)_

Illumi first met Hisoka in Yorknew city. He was confirming his payment when someone dropped into the alleyway next to him. He spun, throwing half a dozen needles that the stranger effortlessly dodged.

Illumi paused to survey the stranger, who was probably around his age. The boy had bubblegum hair styled back and was wearing a strange outfit with card symbols printed out. He reminded Illumi of a modern clown or jester. Illumi did a double take as he noticed the hot pink wings that hung from the boy's back and the four card symbols painted on them, two on each wing. The boy had used permanent paint, boldly displaying the black on pink.

Illumi backed away cautiously as the stranger assessed him. He was no ordinary boy, not with how calm he was at the dead body next to them. And the aura around him would make anyone with common sense run. But Illumi didn't run lest he show his back.

"My name is Hisoka~ What's yours ♤?" Hisoka asked, shuffling a deck of cards. Illumi considered the question for a moment before answering truthfully. "Well then! Are you one of those Zoldycks the underworld are so fond of gossiping about ♤?"

Illumi freezes at the jester's words and meets his stare evenly. Many think that no one except their long-dead targets know who the Zoldycks look like, but that is untrue. After all, their existence is well known, along the information coming up at any site you search. Certain long-paying clients as well as select assassin families know their faces, though never a photo.

The Chairman of the Hunter Association also knows his father and grandfather's faces from when he hired them in the past to dispose of rather tricky Dark Hunters. Laughable really, but the Chairman wasn't exactly innocent either. Not when the bar for Hunters were so high.

"Now then, no need to go ♤" Hisoka spoke as Illumi started to walked away. "I would like to request a duel ♡" The jester purred and a shudder went down the blank-eyed teen's spine.

"No." He replied immediately, stalking away. "Oh, don't be like that. Can we at least stay in touch ♤?" Hisoka asked, tossing Illumi his phone.

Illumi caught it on reflex and stared doubtfully from the phone to the smiling jester before sighing. He entered his phone number and Hisoka did the same. In a rare show of humor, Illumi named Hisoka 'Clown', which said clown frowned at.

After that incident, Illumi and Hisoka became ~~friends~~ acquaintances after a fashion. Illumi couldn't shake him off, and killing him could result in his own death. So he just let the jester stay.

_(And if anyone pointed out that Illumi always said 'Assassins don't make friends', then Hisoka was his partner.)_


	2. Nanika and lessons

Illumi lies on the floor patiently as Alluka and Killua climb over him. He points his wings to the ceiling and holds still for the children to grab on. He waits until they both have a fistful of feathers and carefully stands up, drawing his wings close to his body.

Gotoh stands nearby, watching with barely-concealed surprise as Illumi spins in a slow circle, causing a outburst of giggles from the duo hanging from his wings. He did not usually take part in such activities so openly. Illumi slumps onto a couch, causing the giggling duo to land with a thump on a cushion.

"Again! Again!" Killua cheers, breathless from the fun. "No, my wings are tired." Illumi replies, the lie slipping out easily. His wings were far from that, and you would have to break them first.

"Illumi, hold me up." Illumi turns to Alluka, who was smiling innocently at him. He instantly bites back his bloodlust and complies, holding the thing up.

How _dare_ that thing corrupt his brother, taking over his body. He despises the thing Killua so affectionately calls 'Nanika'. Disgusting. Worse was that the creature appeared constantly and liked to follow him around.

"Illumi, swing me around." It says, smiling as Illumi swings it. "No fair! Me too!" Killua complains, grabbing onto his wing. Illumi pauses to let the albino climb onto his shoulders before walking to a nearby balcony.

He takes to the skies, flapping his wings at the thing's request to fly. Illumi lands, setting down the creature and moving away. Illumi watches as Alluka's lilac wings turned grey and withered away. A dark aura surrounds his body and fades away, finally shows it's true face.

"Killua~ Play with me." It pleads, causing Killua to slide off his shoulders and run over. "Illumi! C'mon, make a wish!" The albino calls, hugging the creature tightly. Illumi holds back all the wishes he wants to say and calmly walks over.

**Kill yourself.**

**Get out of my brother's body.**

**~~Make my wings anything other than-~~**

"....I wish that you would give me ribbons...Nanika." Illumi spoke, almost choking on the name. The creature smiled, and ribbons dropped into his waiting palm. "Let's tie your hair now, since you've letting it grow so long." Illumi continued, gesturing for Killua to help him. The creature finally leaves and Alluka comes back, delighted with the new hairstyle.

 **Female or male?** Illumi muses, wondering if the creature's presence has also warped Alluka's view of himself. He was born a boy, and was not transgender either. Now because the creature was apparently female, Alluka has taken to being a girl as well.

Illumi honestly thought it was his mother's fault for encouraging it, so desperately wanting a girl to dress up. She didn't get too close, fortunately, wary of Nanika. This also meant that Kalluto was now being pampered, and clung to Kikyou's side in one of his pretty kimonos. His wings were the same dark purple as their mother's, so that was to be expected.

Illumi hummed, going to report to his father on the new developments. He knows that the creature is a monster, one that could kill their entire family. All he needs is for it to slip up and hurt someone for his proof. It could hurt Killua, who was so blinded by his love for Alluka that he accepts Nanika as well. Illumi will prove to the boy that the thing is evil and will kill them all.

His wish is granted a week later, after he tells a butler that frequently accompanies Alluka and Killua to refuse Nanika's requests. The butler dies, and a more through investigation occurs. Quite a few tourists were sacrificed as a result, and Alluka is deemed a danger to the family and locked up.

"Illu-ni! Where's Alluka! Dad says she's a monster, but that's not true, is it?" Killua asks one day, confused by the sudden disappearance of his playmate and sibling.

"Yes. It isn't Alluka's fault, it's Nanika's fault. That thing is evil, and even killed the butler that always stays with you as well as plays with you. How do we know it won't kill one of us?" Illumi replies, earning a pout from the albino.

"Nanika won't do that! She's our friend and family!" Killua wails, his white wings flaring angrily. Illumi lets out a suffering sigh and kneels before his little brother.

"Listen to me. Has your big brother ever lied to you?" Illumi waits for Killua to shake his head before continuing. "I love Alluka too, Killu. But Nanika is bad, and until we figure out how to get rid of it, we have to stay away."

Killua still looks doubtful, and appears to be on the verge of saying something. Illumi frowns and takes out a certain feather he carefully made into a needle. He swiftly inserts it into the boy's forehead and watches him blank out for a moment as the needle works its magic.

"Listen to me Killua. Nanika is a monster and we have to stay away. Do. You. Understand." Illumi punctuates his last words, drumming them into Killua's mind.

"Yes, Illu-ni." Killua replies robotically. Illumi hums, pleased with how well his new technique works. He retrieves the needle, causing Killua to fall asleep. Illumi studies the needle for a moment and adds something as he carries Killua back to bed.

_(And if he inserts the needle again with the addition, then it's for Killua's own good.)_

**Killua doesn't know all the things his big brother does for him.**

* * *

Killua followed his brother through the dark streets of the city. Their father had him tag along with his brother on his job. Something about getting more experience on how his family worked. He didn't mind and happily licked the ice-cream cone Illumi got for him. Illumi was scary sometimes, but he always sneaked Killua some Chocorobos and sweet treats.

"Keep up Kill." Illumi called, grabbing his free hand and pulling him along. "The target is in this building, you can watch from here." Illumi order, leaving Killua in a alleyway before entering the building.

Killua watched as the target and his friends through the window for a moment before giving in and creeping out of the alley. A park was nearby, and the albino watched in fascination as three boys his age played soccer. He noted their wide grins as they cheered and threw taunts over their shoulders.

"There you are." Killua jumped as a hand rested on his shoulder. "I told you to stay and watch Killu. What are you doing?" Illumi asked, stand next to him. His black wings were out, having unbound them during the kill.

"Illu-ni? Can I go play with them? It looks fun." He pleads hesitantly. Illumi went rigid, staring from him to the boys. Just then one of the boys kicked the ball towards where he and Illumi were standing in the shadows. Illumi picked it up, watching as the boys ran over.

"Hey! Can you pass it-" One of the boys called and cut off as Killua and his brother stepped into the light. The boys' eyes grew wide, staring at his brother in horror.

"Ah! You! Get away from him!" An boy called and it took a moment for Killua to realize he was talking to him. "My mom told me that people with black wings are monsters! Quick, run!" The same boy gestured urgently and something twisted inside Killua's stomach.

A loud pop sounded and he turned to see that Illumi had flattened the ball. The boys screamed and started to run. Black feathers shot through the air and struck them in the back of their heads. Killua gaped as Illumi went over to pluck the feathers from the dead bodies.

"Grandpa...grandpa said we shouldn't kill people outside our jobs." Killua rasped as Illumi took him by the arm.

"We all have different views on how to do our jobs. Let's go home now." Illumi replied, tugging him along. Killua followed numbly, replaying the situation. The boys had called his brother a monster, and in return Illumi killed them. Just like a monster would.

Killua clenched his fists but couldn't help the shudder as Illumi rested a hand on his head. His big brother would never hurt him. Those boys had gotten what they deserved for calling his brother a monster because of his wing color. Yet Killua couldn't shake off the feeling that Illumi had killed them simply because he wanted to stop Killua from playing with them.

"Coming, Kill?" He blinked as his brother called for him and hurried over, still feeling cold.

_(Killua started calling his brother 'Aniki' after that day. He wonders if the man even cares.)_

Illumi preens his feathers, plucking out any frayed ones to turn them into needles. He runs his hand though his silky long hair, having let it grow out recently. He smooths out his now glossy and shiny feathers, having spent a hour cleaning them.

People assumed black feathers were dirty since you couldn't tell if they weren't, but Illumi usually spent forever to get them to shine. Illumi rested a hand on the curve of his wing and wonders what it would be like to break them. It wouldn't be easy, since they have been strengthened through careful breaking that made the bones grow back stronger. Breaking wings was forbidden during training, lest they heal incorrectly.

]Illumi hummed, wondering what would happen if he broke his wing messily. Lots of blood everywhere, and screaming if his family or the butlers saw. It would be rather out of character for him, and the family would tread carefully around him for a few months.

Maybe Killua would start paying more attention to him too. He thinks about Killua being worried for him and calling him 'Illu-ni' again before shaking off the thought. He walks out of the room. It's time for training.

_(No, Illumi doesn't care that he has black wings. Not one bit.)_


	3. Hate is a strong word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S MY BIRTHDAYYY

Killua said 'I hate you.' to his brother for the first time today. Now he's staring out of the window as the plane takes off, reflecting on what he did.

He was running away now, running to the Hunter Exam. Away from his family and duty as heir. Away from his brother. He had just slashed Mother and tossed aside Milluki before running down Mt. Kurokoo. Then Illumi was there, waiting at the Testing Gate.

"What are you doing, Kill? I heard Mother shouting. Are you trying to run away again?" His older brother asks, his blank eyes boring into Killua. "So what if I am?" Killua snaps back, eyes darting around for a escape route.

"But why?"

Killua laughs at the genuine confusion in his brother's voice. How could Illumi ask such a stupid question?

"I hate this!" He screams suddenly, shedding a few white feathers in his stress. "I hate our family and everything here and all this pressure! But most of all I hate you!" Killua pants, feeling something delicate, something fragile snap as the words fly out of his mouth.

Illumi looks like he feels it too, and stares at him with more emotion than Killua has ever seen. It morphs from one feeling to another, too fast for him to decipher. Killua shakes it off and darts past his brother, who lets him pass without a word.

 **I don't regret it,** Killua tells himself for the umpteenth time and hugs himself. He doesn't care that the last emotion he saw on his Aniki was hurt, doesn't care that as far as he could remember Aniki was always there in his life. Everything is different now, he thinks firmly and discards the doubts shrouding him. It's time to change his fate.

_(Killua has every right to hate his brother and he knows it.)_

**So why does he feel bad?**

Illumi sits on his bed, staring at a white feather and ignoring the knocks on his door. His phone pings as a new job comes in.

 _"But most of all I hate you!"_ The air seems to ring with those words, words that stretch out and forms a purring monster. It pounces, sinking it's claws into Illumi and burrows into his skin. His brother, the only light in his life, hates him. But why?

Everything Illumi ever did was for the boy's sake, to protect him and give him the best life possible. They fought a few times and grew apart, but Illumi had been fairly certain that Killua didn't hate him. He was at least ranked higher than their mother and Milluki anyway.

Illumi hums, drawing his wings close to his body. Wings as black as the night, a sharp contrast to Killua's, which glowed like the moon. That was their dynamic. Illumi was the night that wrapped around the moon, Killua. His whole world centered around Killua, the heir.

Illumi shakes off the thought and resolves to allow Killua to run around for a bit, giving him some time to sort through his emotions. Honestly, this was why Illumi didn't bother with such things. He checks his phone, reading through the job opportunity. He had been getting more lately due to his rising success.

His kills were swift and efficient, and he blended into crowds easier than Father or Grandpa. Killua was good, but still just a child. Anyway, it seemed that he needed a Hunter license for the job. He had heard Hisoka talking about it a few times. Perfect, he could go with Hisoka then. Illumi dialed the jester's number, his mind already forming a plan to finish this job smoothly. Though that was always hard with Hisoka in the equation.

_(And if he happened to see Killua at the Exam, then that was a lovely surprise and bonus.)_

Killua glanced at Gon - _the boy that he had stopped for_ \- running alongside him. They were the same age, and the boy had quite a bit of power too. Good genes, maybe?

Gon had greenish-black hair that stuck up like a cactus - _the thought made Killua snicker and gain looks from the other participants nearby_ \- and had warm, brown eyes. They looked like honey, sucking you up in it's warmth. The boy also wore a outfit so green it made Killua cringe and a backpack, along with a fishing rod - _of all things_ \- to complete the ensemble. The boy obviously had no fashion sense.

But what caught his eyes were the small pair of emerald-green wings hanging from the boy's back. Metallic-coloured wings were ranked just below white ones, especially gold and silver.

Killua's own white wings were bound and hidden beneath his jacket, wary of drawing attention. He blinked as Gon noticed his stare and flashed him a blinding grin. Honestly, everything about the boy was just so bright and fun. Killua had never seen anyone like Gon. He let a smirk slip onto his face and continued running, feeling strangely content.

_(Maybe, just maybe, he could live normally and have friends. Aniki doesn't know everything, right?)_

Illumi watched his brother staring at him, dark blue eyes widening in disbelief. "What did I tell you about making friends, Kill? Looks like you forgot it again. I thought I taught you better than that." He chided the boy, eyes straying to where his needle was hidden beneath the boy's forehead. Another lesson was needed, he supposed.

"If you move, I will take that you want to fight and do the same. If I touch you, same thing. The only way to save Gon and the rest is to admit defeat Kill." Illumi spoke, reaching out a hand. His younger brother froze, staring at the hand slowly inching towards him.

"I hope you didn't forget the most important lesson I taught. What do you do when you meet opponents stronger than you?" He whispered, leaning forward slightly. Killua stared at him, paralyzed as sweat trickled down his forehead.

"You and I are nothing but puppets of darkness, Kill. Everything might seem perfect now, but you can't change the way you were raised. I can't, and you know how strong your big brother is, don't you?" He continued, and knew by the way his brother's eyes flickered at the words that he had said too much.

"One day you'll end up killing Gon just to see his blood on your hands. He's so bright and otherworldly that you can't help but be attracted to it. I know how it's like, but you are a born assassin. Your life is nothing but death and killing." He finished and he knows he won when his brother's eyes dull, turning empty. Almost like his own, but not quite yet.

His brother would grow up to be a perfect assassin and heir.

"I concede." Killua finally speaks, his voice devoid of emotion. "Good job Kill. Now I can convince Mother not to be so angry. Isn't that nice?" Illumi ruffled the boy's white locks, leading him out of the arena.

He suppresses the urge to kill the vermin shouting at him and left, calling Father on his way. Hisoka smiled predatorily at him as he did so, shuffling a pack of cards. **A warning,** his stare said. Hisoka had his eye on Gon now, and if it came down to it the jester would severely injure him to keep the boy safe until ripe. Not killing, for they had grown closer than both parties wanted to admit. But it would still be a troublesome match.

He hummed, making a mental note to discipline Killua when they got home. Brotherhood really was a thankless job.

 _(_ _You could imagine how furious he was when he learned that Killua had escaped with his 'friends' a few days afterwards. But it was fine, because his little brother always came back to him.)_

Gon was light. Gon was as bright as the sun. So Killua conceded, because he learned a long time ago that there was only one way to save his friends. Everything was a blur after that. He registers blood on his hand, taking a flight back home, opening The Testing Gate to be showered with Mother's praises and Milluki's whips.

Then he talks to Father about his new ~~fri~~ ~~friends~~ comrades and he is allowed to go.

~~He can barely believe his luck.~~

And then he learns Gon and the rest came back for him and everything feels so _right_. They separate, promising each other they would meet again at the Underground Auction. He and Gon sets off for Heaven's Arena, and he fights back all the memories and emotions that bubble up.

How he was dropped here at the age of 8 with nothing but the clothes on his back. How Illumi came to watch his match just like he promised to. How he dropped out before registering a match on Level 200 because he knew the opponents there would be too strong.

He shakes all of it off, just like he did when Illumi killed those boys and when he told the man he hated him. He discards it all and walks into the arena towards Zushi, ready for a new start.

_(Killua believes it when they say it's not his fault, that he isn't a coward and he isn't betraying his family. He believes because he might just break if he doesn't._

Illumi read through the new update Hisoka had sent him on Killua and the brat. He trusted the jester's judgement, and knows the man made them learn Nen - _whether he did or someone else, Illumi doesn't care as long as Killua is safe_ \- before letting them register for a match.

He knows Hisoka will not touch Killua and the brat for a few years at least, so for now Illumi will leave his little brother's safety to him. Illumi blinks as his phone pings at a message from Chrollo. Hisoka had introduced them a while back when he got into the Phantom Troupe.

Chrollo was far better in Illumi's opinion, and knew to respect Illumi's space. They were also both perfectly content to leave each other in peace and not engage in pointless small-talk. Unlike Hisoka, who liked to bother them with random tricks and challenges.

He reads through the message, surprised to see that it is a job offer. One that was in the future, it's date and location uncertain. Chrollo wanted him to kill the Ten Dons when the Underground Auction begins. As well as control them to tell the public that they are still safe until their guards find their rotting bodies.

Illumi assumes that the Phantom Troupe will be stealing at the auction and wonders if he could pay Chrollo to steal something for his family. He knows Milluki wants that new popular game on sale. He hums before dismissing the thought, and wonders if he should bring Kalluto.

Mother had claimed him the moment he was born, giving him the usual basic training but fighting off every job he had. She kept the boy by his side and in return Kalluto became attached as well. It would be a good experience for his younger sibling, although there's the problem of talking to Mother.

He deliberates on the decision for a few moments before resolving to ask when the dates are confirmed. A few weeks later it is, and by then Illumi has heard of the chaos caused. It appeared that the Phantom Troupe were about to make quite the mess, more than their usual heists.

He agreed to the job and got ready to talk to Mother. He was met with gushing about how Illumi was spending time with Kalluto and how her boys were growing up - _exactly why Illumi didn't want to talk to her_ \- before letting them leave teary-eyed.

Illumi met Kalluto's eyes as the Testing Gate swung shut behind them and walked on. Illumi ends up studying the boy on the plane ride to where the Ten Dons were hiding.

Kalluto was rather similar to himself, both with straight black hair and equally serious/blank eyes. And while Kalluto's dark purple ones weren't as bad as his black wings, they were all Mother's. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it was a reminder of the fact that they were mistakes.

Illumi hummed, wondering what it would be like if he was the youngest instead. It would be strange, but he doubted he would not love Killua as well. Instead of wanting to protect, he would admire instead.

_(Illumi doesn't know what to feel about how similar his little brother's personality is to his own.)_


	4. Falling into pieces

Killua adjusted his suit, his mind still reeling from the words Kurapika said earlier. The Phantom Troupe was apparently still alive and strong. How were they going to beat them? He gritted his teeth as he remembered how helpless he and Gon were against Nobunaga.

 **Kill, don't do anything foolhardy. You'll just get killed.** Illumi had whispered into his ear, and Killua could almost feel his blank eyes boring into him. In the end he sat down - _not because of his brother's words_ \- because suicide was just another form of running away. Too scared to face the horrors of being captured.

Killua shivered, focusing on the Phantom Troupe. Kurapika could kill them thanks to his Judgement Chain and his horrifying powers, but it worked best one-on-one. He shook of his thoughts and focused on the plan ahead.

_(Killua doesn't tell his friends about hearing Illumi's voice and less he end up receiving pleasant but in the end useless reassurances.)_

**Deep down he was still a kid that wanted his life and precious Aniki back.**

Illumi stared at his phone, reading the text Hisoka sent. Killua and Gon had apparently asked the jester to help them with something while in Greed Island. The game that Milluki had raged about for days, since all the copies had been bought by that man. Eventually he realized why he couldn't copy the game and sulked in his room until Father reminded him of the contracts he promised. His brother really was strange.

The text had been sent months ago, Illumi having been tracking a particularly difficult target while protecting his employer. He had turned his phone off the whole time, lest his prey manage to track him or it ring at the wrong time.

By then Killua and Gon had already defeated the game and begun a new adventure. Hisoka wanted one too, having heard that Chrollo had hired a Nen exorcist to remove that bind Kurapika had placed on him. How troublesome.

Illumi let out a uncharacteristic sigh and agreed before wondering what Killua and the brat were doing. He hoped his little brother would be okay without his dear Aniki to protect him. He was sure his lessons were still in Killua though his needle, which the boy had yet to remove.

Illumi would feel it if he did. Anyway, to remove it someone would either have to point it out or Killua through some sort of miracle pull it out himself. It would take incredible conviction for that.

* * *

Weeks later, Killua tore out the needle.

Illumi felt the distant pang during dinner and excused himself immediately. How on earth had the boy removed it? It was - _nearly_ \- impossible. He frowned, wondering if the Chimera Ants had anything to do with it. Killua had gone to NGL, where the creatures were currently resting. But he was certain, no, he _knew_ that his brother was still alive.

Illumi had been bound to the white-haired boy the moment he was born, and while it had taken a while to discover it, it had only made him even more protective of their bond. Even if Killua killed him, he would accept it as it meant that Killua was cold enough to kill his own brother.

And if Illumi couldn't die before Killua, then at least it would be at the boy's hands and terms. He smiled, brushing a hand across his black feathers and remembered how long ago a child had called them beautiful.

_(If Killua did die before him, then Illumi would rip out the hearts of every 'friend' Killua had before killing himself.)_

"It's easy for you to say, Killua. Since Kite isn't important to you." Gon spoke, not even looking at him.

Killua felt himself **s h a t t e r**

Not important? As if Killua didn't spend sleepless nights working on their plan, as if he didn't pull out Illumi's fucking needle just to be ready to fight. He couldn't even bring himself to feel angry. All he felt was a cold emptiness as he watched Neferpitou guard Komugi with her life.

 **See what I told you Killua? This is why you don't make friends.** Killua didn't flinch - _he was reassured by it_ \- as Illumi's voice sounded next to him. He might have removed the needle, but his brother would still appear in this sort of situation.

Gon had always been the light while he was the darkness. Sometimes, he shined so bright that Killua had to look away. Now they were both filled with darkness, more than ever two sides of the same coin.

Gon was filled with the type of darkness that grew from within. The monster in your heart that howled for blood and revenge. And it didn't care how it got it. Killua stares at Gon's back, wondering when he was started standing behind the boy.

 _'You're always like this!'_ Killua wanted to scream. _'You're always going ahead while I stay back and clean up after you.'_

It was all he could do to keep tears rolling down his cheek.

**Assassins did not cry.**

_And they certainly did not make friends._

But Killua did and now he would end up losing the first and best friend he ever had. White wings didn't mean he was a angel. If anything, he was a monster. Wing colors proved nothing in a world of - _monsters_ \- humans. All Killua could do was watch, because he couldn't change a thing.

He goes with Meleron, unleashes his rage on Youpi, and then meets Palm. He cries all the frustration and anger he has and brings the woman's emotions back. He stays back to protect Komugi while he watches Gon leave with Neferpitou.

It hurts, more than any of the torture and training his family ever gave him, more than any battle he was in. But he lets Gon go.

_(And later a small part of him felt satisfied because the incident gave him Alluka.)_

Killua had come home. Illumi listened to his mother's blubbering on the phone, talking about how Killua came back for that thing in the basement. It made sense, considering the boy had removed the needle and would now remember Alluka.

He cuts off his mother and tells her to send Tsubone with Killua and the thing. Something was not quite right about Killua and Alluka's interactions. Milluki's rule number 5 did not apply to Killua. He intended to find out why.

He called Hisoka, since this mission would be harder without his needle in Killua. It was a shame the jester had missed the Chimera Ants. Too busy with Chrollo - _Illumi wondered if the man had black wings too sometimes since they were always hidden_ \- once again.

Illumi thought about Killua's wish. The boy wanted to heal Gon, who had been heavily injured by a Chimera Ant. Enough that all of the Hunter Association's Nen exorcists had recoiled and fled screaming.

A wish of that caliber would certainly end up with more than just a few family members dead. And Killua knew better than anyone the prices the thing would request. When the time came, Illumi would instead take on the requests it asked.

If he lived, than Killua would be grateful. If he died, then he would live on in Killua's heart forever. Illumi smiled and jumped out of his window, taking to the skies. It would take a few days before the plan was ready.

_(In this world, however, Illumi was correct. He would live on in Killua's heart if he died.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!


	5. You left me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHH SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT

Killua hugged his sister tightly as they ran, smiling as the girl giggled. Alluka's beautiful and delicate lilac wings fluttered in the wind. "Your hair's all spiky, Nee-chan!" Alluka smiled, patting his head.

"I know, it's one of my powers. Hold on tight, okay?" Killua's heart melted as Alluka let out a happy 'Ok!'. How could he have forgotten his own sister?

 **Damm it, Illumi!** He cursed inwardly, hating his brother with a fiery passion. How could his family lock such a sweet girl up? They didn't even consider Nanika a person or Alluka as part of the family.

**Disgusting.**

He gritted his teeth, pumping his legs faster. He had lost Tsubone a while back, but she was probably already transformed into some vehicle with Amane and Canary on it.

Alluka couldn't hold on so long and would get tired soon. She had a sturdier body thanks to the Zoldyck genes, but years of being locked away with no exercise had made her frail and weak. Maybe he should teach her Nen next time, if only for self defense.

Killua shook off the thought, remembering Gon's withered body. His best friend was slowly withering away, the Nen contract he made sucking the life out of him.

Killua remembers everything. He remembers Neferpitou's limp corpse, their head caved in with blue blood dripping down. Gon's aged body, standing in front of it. He almost didn't recognize it, with it's long, black hair so like Illumi's.

His strangled cry as the ~~boy~~ ~~man~~ boy turned to look at him. Blank eyes, dull and so lifeless Killua compared them to Illumi's for a moment.

But no, large emerald wings hung from Gon's back, **frayed** and _torn_ and broken, hanging uselessly. His own wings had flared at the sight of another's wings so horribly mutilated.

And then Neferpitou was up, limbs hanging like a broken doll as her Nen activated upon her death, fulfilling her undying wish to protect the King. Killua moved, maneuvering himself between the two just seconds too late. Gon's arm went flying, neatly sliced off.

"It's okay, Killua." Gon had reassured, a small smile on his lips. "I'm like Kite now."

Killua wanted to scream and scream and scream until his vocal cords broke, because what about _him_?

What about the best friend you promised to stay together with?

What about the lost little boy you took in with nothing more than a smile and honey-coloured eyes?

Gon was powering a huge attack that would destroy Neferpitou completely, along with himself. Killua recognized too late that Gon had made a Nen contract, and would die - _leaving Killua **alone**_ \- in exchange for Neferpitou's death.

Killua shouted for him to stop, because if he did then maybe the damage was reversible. But Gon didn't hear anything, slowly chanting. Now Killua was really breaking, falling apart with no more honey to hold them together.

He thinks back to Illumi, who told him again and again that he would end up killing his friends.

**And he was right.**

"GONNNNNN!!!!!"

* * *

"Brother? What's wrong?" Killua snaps out of his thoughts at a worried voice. "It's nothing. I was just thinking about my best friend." He smiled gently at Alluka, flapping his wings and soaring through the sky.

Alluka giggles in delight, spreading her arms out to catch the wind. They don't talk about the tears that threaten to spill over his cheeks.

_(Killua loves Alluk_ _a and Nanika with everything he has.)_

**But he loves Illumi just a little bit too.**

Illumi watches Killua panic, eyes darting around frantically for a escape plan. "It's no use, Killua. Tell you what. You can make your wish right now." He says, motioning for Tsubone to move.

"Tsubone!" Alluka cheered as Killua sets her down. The boy caught the thrown fingernail, dropping it into the thing's waiting hands. Illumi watched as Alluka's lilac wings turned into dust and a black aura envelop it.

Killua considered the thing, looking from Tsubone to it. Illumi steps forward, his black wings dragging on the ground. "I'll take on the thing's requests, Kill. That way the family doesn't have to deal with them." He spoke, noting the surprise in the boy's eyes.

Of course, Killua had never known how much his big brother loved him.

"Nanika." Killua said slowly. "Heal Tsubone." Illumi blinked at the request while Nanika let out a "Ai." and reached for Tsubone. Tsubone's hand glowed and healed, while Nanika faded away.

Alluka turned excitedly, lilac wings bursting out of her back. "Killua, pat me!" She said happily, latching onto Killua. "Yes, yes." Killua replied as he complied. A moment later Alluka fell asleep.

Illumi watched as Killua scooped her up and fixed him with a glare. "You know, Nanika calls me Killua while Alluka calls me brother. Nanika doesn't ask for anything in return when healing someone. She's a gentle and loving girl. So stop calling her a thing!" Killua spat, cradling Alluka.

Illumi tilted his head, considering the situation. He still couldn't care less about Alluka, and certainly wasn't about to treat her as family. "Very well. But you're still hiding something from me Kill. I won't stop until I find out. You can heal that 'friend' of yours first." Illumi decided, turning away.

He already had a few suspicions as to what the boy was hiding from him. He walked back into the forest, Hisoka falling in step with him. They would be back later.

_(Illumi couldn't deny a smile later when he saw Nanika's power, strong enough to overcome a Nen death contract.)_

* * *

Killua felt something shake him as he gently cradled Gon's long and withered fingers. Blood stained them, soaking into the sheets.

"Nanika, heal him please." He says quietly. Dark purple light filled the room, changing from lilac to violet to indigo to white. Killua grits his teeth under the pressure, closing his eyes and trusting Nanika.

When he opens them Gon's hand is white and smooth, once again a child's. Killua hugs Nanika tightly, thanking her repeatedly even after she fell asleep.

"We must go." Tsubone informs him and leads him away. He holds on to Alluka, staring at Gon's peaceful - _and beautiful_ \- face before walking away. Illumi knows he's hiding something, and wants Nanika's powers.

He can't stay with Gon either. Something between them shattered the day they infiltrated the palace, something that had been slowly rotting from within - _always had been_ \- when they first saw Kite all sewn up.

There was a invisible barrier between them now, there even though Gon was still asleep. What they had before could never come back. Killua glanced down at his sister, sleeping peacefully. Even then, he couldn't put Alluka and Nanika through all the dangers of a Hunter's life.

Later, after Gon woke up, they went to the World Tree to meet Ging. Killua wasn't able to climb up since Alluka couldn't handle it and he couldn't leave her alone. Thus they parted ways at the World Tree.

In that single moment when they turned away from each other, Killua felt a unfathomable sadness. They were actually separating, with no idea of when they would see each other again.

It was different from just splitting up in a fight.

Killua could see every last memory they shared with each other and realized he didn't regret it all. He gives Alluka a soft smile and takes her hand, ready for what comes next.

_(Illumi was wrong there. Despite everything, Killua wouldn't take back his friendship with Gon, even if it destroyed them both.)_

Illumi watched Killua walk away from Gon. Something tugged at him then, as he saw the small, sad smile he gave Alluka as they left. He felt regretful for some reason as Killua stopped smiling and schooled his expression.

It had always been just faintly there whenever he confronted his brother and Gon. The smiles always on the boy's face would slip off and be replaced with horror.

**Why wasn't his brother happy to see him?**

Killua had laughed with Gon, Leorio, Kurapika, dozens others and even that octopus Chimera Ant.

**Why didn't he laugh with his Aniki?**

Illumi puzzled over the revelation, contemplating the new emotion he was feeling. What did Gon have that he did not? Illumi didn't like that his brother was no longer smiling around their family.

Killua stopped smiling after he came back from Heaven's Arena, if he remembered correctly. Illumi frowned and shook off the feeling, deciding to let Killua and Alluka go for now.

Father had told him to stop after that conversation between Killua and Nanika Tsubone had shown them. Illumi wasn't sure why. His phone pinged, and he checked it to see Hisoka had messaged him.

Chrollo's Nen had finally been unbound, and Hisoka was going to fight him at Heaven's Arena. He considered the piece of information, wondering if he should go see their match. He didn't have any jobs on that day either.

It might be a good chance to learn their fighting styles. He hummed, replying the jester and heading off. He would be back for Killua, but not today.

_(Illumi was just a little bit relieved when Chrollo didn't die and when Hisoka came back to life thanks to his undying will.)_

Killua watched Alluka talk excitedly with Bisky. He had brought his sisters to his mentor on a mere whim. They had been living with him for a while, with almost no outside contact.

Alluka and Nanika, he had decided, needed another female to connect with. Luckily Alluka had already been taught how to deal with her mensuration by a female butler years ago. It was still embarrassing when he had to accompany her to buy pads though.

Anyway, it was good for Alluka to be able to talk to more people. He had met with Ikalgo and Meleron, along with Kite as well. Eventually he was forced to go to Palm and let his sisters vent out their female frustration.

Bisky and Palm were the few female friends he had _and_ trusted with Nanika. He sighed, popping a bar of chocolate in his mouth. Taking care of his sisters had been rough. Especially with him making sure he never had ask Nanika for anything.

Taking up multiple Hunter jobs had helped give them a stable life though. His thoughts wandered to Gon, still living on Whale's Island. The boy was training himself to use Nen, and had managed to build up a decent aura. Still far from his original, of course.

They had kept in touch, but in the past two years they had yet to meet up. He should go now actually, if only so Alluka and Nanika could meet Mito. They needed a proper parental figure in their lives.

Palm and Bisky were good people, but they weren't really the maternal types. He remembered how the first time he met Mito. He had watched as Gon and her argue good-naturally, often ending with them back to normal in a few hours.

Mito smiled at him a lot too, and it was different from Gon's. It didn't shine like Gon's did, but there was such warmth in it. Every time she smiled at him, for a single moment Killua wondered if she had mistaken him for Gon or something.

**No one in his family had ever give him such a caring smile.**

Father's were of approval, Grandpa's were whimsical, Mother's tinted with madness. Milluki's were gleeful, Kalluto stopped smiling a years ago and Illumi's....if he did smile, they were empty.

Of course, Nanika and Alluka gave him beautiful smiles, but Killua knew they were of admiration. They didn't have the reassurance a adult had that everything was fine. Mito was the first to give him such a smile. Killua rested his chin in his hands, looking on as Alluka giggled at something Bisky said. Yeah, they should go visit Whale Island.

_(He was older now, and didn't fear his Aniki anymore.)_


	6. Back to our roots where we belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so he returns.

Illumi knocked on his father's office door. How long had it been since he came home? The ship incident had gone on too long, so he left Chrollo and Hisoka to fight it out.

That was five years ago.

While on a job he received a message from his father, 'Come home'. Two simple words, without any explanation as to why Illumi had to. But the eldest child of Kikyou and Silva did not ask questions.

He had been raised differently from everyone, not just Killua. Training had been modified for Killua, the new heir, according to how Illumi turned out. Every Zoldyck was unique, though some were similar to others.

Milluki, Alluka and Kalluto's training was far laxer than Illumi's and Killua's. They tried being less harsh on Milluki since he wasn't the heir, which resulted in his current state. Killua was the heir but was still doted on when young.

Unlike Illumi, who was usually treated with a faint sense of dismissal. It wasn't really his father's fault, to be honest. Silva simply did not know how to deal with his first- born, who was so unlike any Zoldyck. Illumi could tell the man regretted it later on and often tried to be more approving when it came to him.

"Come in." His father's voice called, bringing Illumi out of his thoughts and quickly entered the room. "It is time for Killua to come home." Silva spoke plainly, the meaning in his words clear.

"Yes Father." Illumi replied, leaving. His mind began to think about how to find Killua. The boy was still alive, as Illumi checked on him every once in a while. He had made a bit of a name of himself, even once being made a Hunter Examiner. But he had come of age and now had to take over his duties as heir.

Illumi recalled how his little brother looked like. The boy still had the same childish smirk on his face and had let his hair grow. He looked a bit like their father now. Illumi hummed, resolving to find Killua, then make a plan. It wouldn't be hard.

Father had chosen him for this because he knew that Illumi could and would track Killua anywhere. He loved his precious brother more than any of them did.

_(Illumi's whole life had revolved around Killua.)_

**But the first part of it shaped him into the creature he was today.**

Killua wandered the forest he was in. He had left Alluka with Mito, while he and Gon left to explore the island. The man was now sleeping back at their camp while Killua took a stroll - _on the other side of the island when he ran too fast_ \- unable to fall asleep.

Gon still had the same carefree attitude as he did before. Killua nearly face-palmed when he realized it. Honestly, how was he still so normal?

Killua's heart clenched as he remembered explosions and broken bodies. He couldn't shake it off, no matter how hard he tried. Killua sighed and plopped down, leaning against a tree. He wished so hard right now he could go back to being a kid, young and carefree, unknowing of the awaiting horrors. He sighed, peeking through the thick branches above for a glimpse of the starry sky.

Someone broke a branch behind him. 

Instantly he was on his feet, claws extended and mouth open in a snarl, ready to kill whatever it was sneaking up on him-

"Killua?" Killua felt everything go into slow-motion right there as he took in the sight of his eldest brother. There wasn't much of a change in the man, although his hair was now tied back in a low ponytail. Killua couldn't move as Illumi brushed a stray leaf off his shoulder.

Then his brother gave him a smile so filled with happiness that he was transported back to better days. Where Illumi had performed various tricks for Killua and how he would race to the door to greet his brother first. Where Illumi taught him how to fly and shared chocolate with him by the fireside.

Killua faltered, struck by the emotion. "Aniki?" He croaked out and thought wildly of his Hunter Exam, where his brother had shown up in front of him unexpectedly, just like right now.

"I'm hurt, Kill. You never talked to me again after you rescued Nanika." The tone was chiding, as though the time difference had only been a few weeks instead of several years. Killua shook his head, trying to rid himself of the manipulation his brother was doing.

"You look more like Father now. Especially when your wings have grown so big." Illumi continued, gesturing to Killua's glowing white wings. Illumi's were the same size, and they were - _Killua realized with a shock_ \- the same height.

"I'm not going back, Aniki." Killua said, mustering all the confidence he had.

"But Father said you have to come home Kill. We can't disobey him." Illumi replied, his face still serene. God, did the man ever disagree with what their parents did? Killua never seen Illumi rebel, not even to say no. Not when he was a child or a adult.

"You have your duty as heir, Kill. And I, the eldest has to make sure everything goes smoothly. So I will use force if needed." Illumi held up several pins. "I'm stronger now, Aniki. I'm not a child with a needle in his head." Killua snarled, shifting into a stance.

"No, you're not," Illumi's agreement made him pause. "But I will bring you back even if it means my death." Killua froze at the words, eyes widening in disbelief.

A small part of Killua felt hurt at the words; did Illumi really think him so heartless? The man had done the same thing when he offered to take the 'backlash' from Nanika healing Gon. Most of it was fury. So what?

Killua would sooner die than be dragged back to the family business. He was content to let it die out.

"No need to be like that, Kil. When you come home, you will be the Master of the house, Killua. You can control how the family works from now on. You could bring Alluka and...Nanika back and forbid the family to touch her." Illumi looked faintly repulsed by the idea.

"I. Will. Not. Live. A . Life. Of. Killing!" Killua spat, emphasizing each word. Illumi stared at him for a long time, tilting his head.

"But why? If it's morals, then you can take jobs involving corrupt criminals. Alluka will be perfectly safe in the mansion and they can live in a proper room. Everyone except for Father and Grandfather will have to obey you. What more do you want?" Illumi asked, confused. Killua hated the logic behind the words that carefully undermined his arguments.

"If I asked you to leave, would you do that Illumi?" The question was out before he could stop it. "Yes. If you take your rightful place as heir, then I will have fulfilled my duty and may leave if ordered." Illumi replied, sounding pleased.

"Illumi? Do you love me?" Killua asked again, feeling a sinking feeling in his heart. "Of course I do. Everything I did was so you could grow up strong and have the best life possible." Illumi said, almost happily.

"What would you do after you leave?" Killua asked, wondering why he didn't shut up before his world came crashing down just like it did years ago.

"I would kill myself. A world without you and our family isn't worth living." Illumi replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And Killua broke down right there, because he knew why Illumi did.

It had been a slight suspicion that started after Illumi let Nanika go that was strengthened with childhood memories. Killua hated the new revelation so much, because how could he kill his older brother now he knew the truth?

The man had probably never loved the rest of the family as much as he loved Killua. He had been confused by the new emotion and turned to his parents for a answer, because he had been taught that they were always right. But the Zoldycks were not good people to learn love from.

Illumi had good intentions - _shockingly_ \- but he carried them out with a assassin's mindset.

"Dammit!" Killua exploded, throwing a punch. Illumi caught it and a loud crack echoed. "Will you come back Kill? Everyone misses you." Illumi asked, examining his bent arm. "You have grown so much. I'm so proud." Illumi smiles as he straightens his arm with another snap. Killua flinches at the sound, all of his senses hyper-aware.

"Give me a month to think about it." He croaks, turning away to run. They both knew he was coming back.

_(Killua spent most of the month settling his affairs and saying goodbye secretly. He left Whale Island and didn't tell Gon that he might never return.)_

Illumi hummed as he opened the Testing Gate. Killua trails behind him, Alluka in tow. The girl - _Killua made him refer to ~~it~~ her as female_ \- looked nervous and kept clinging to Killua. She was surprisingly delicate and ended up being carried by Killua up the mountain as a result.

Her lilac wings shed a few feathers as she stared up at Mike. She had only seen him when she was very young and fleeing the mansion, of course. Mike pads up to Alluka, who hides behind Killua's wings.

"Don't worry, he won't hurt you. Mike, this is Alluka, my little sister." Killua greeted. Alluka peeked out and yelped as Mike sniffed her before lying down. "He's just memorizing your scent. He won't attack...family." Illumi spoke, his black wings twitching in impatience.

He flew up, causing Killua to curse and hurriedly scoop up Alluka. They landed at the mansion, where Father and Mother were there to greet them. A few butlers were nearby too.

"I brought Killua home." Illumi stated, stepping forward. "Oh, you're such a good boy Illumi!" Mother cried, throwing her arms around him. He patted her back and slipped out from her hug.

"Touch me and you can say goodbye to your arms." Killua snarled when she stepped in his direction. This just drove her to hysteria as she gushed over Killua.

"Enough, Mother. Go prepare their rooms." Illumi cut in when Killua looked ready to grab Alluka and run. His mother paused, the dot on her visor narrowing on Alluka, who was hiding behind Killua. She pursed her lips but returned back to the mansion, already calling commands. She either did nothing or went all out.

"Son." Silva spoke, earning a stiff bow from Killua. "Come, it's time to take up your duties as heir." Killua looked from his father to Alluka, unsure. He looked to Canary, who had in the past years taken over Gotoh's position.

Then, to everyone's great surprise, Killua gently nudged Alluka to Illumi. "You will not hurt her in any way. Just get her poison-free food and to her room." Killua ordered, giving his sister a reassuring look.

Illumi nodded and slowly took Alluka's hand. He led her on, walking into the mansion. Alluka followed dutifully, trembling slightly as they went down to the kitchens. Soon they were heading to her room with a plate of sandwiches.

"Stay here and don't get into trouble. The butlers outside will get what you need." Illumi ordered, lifting the girl onto her bed and placing her food on the nearby dresser.

 **At least she's docile,** Illumi mused as he went off. He had seen normal people more rebellious. But Killua was back, and that was all that mattered. Kalluto had even come back a few years ago too.

_(The family was finally whole again.)_

Killua sat in the woods, staring up at the night sky. It had been a few months since he had come home. He still kept touch with the outside world, pretending that nothing was wrong. He even met up with them a few times - ~~_Gon didn't notice anything, how **dare** he _~~ \- while on jobs.

Alluka and Nanika had been treated fairly normally. Actually, the treatment reminded him of how the butlers treated Illumi. They were frightened of what both might do, but had no idea how they really worked.

Although in Alluka's case she looked fairly normal, so they were less wary. Especially after he revealed that Nanika did not take requests from him. Then he forbid her from answering anyone's wishes except for his own. And those were for emergencies.

Killua sighed, slumping onto the soft dirt floor. He was back in the world of assassins. He didn't even need to take jobs often; as the new Master he had many duties to sort through first.

Alluka and Kalluto got along fairly well. Milluki never did anything more than sneering. Mother gushed while Father and Grandpa guided him along. Illumi was just there, emerging from the shadows every once in a while.

Yeah, his life wasn't as bad as he though it would be.

Killua remembered how his father rarely left the house. Usually Grandpa and Illumi took care of the jobs.

"Killua?" He bolted upright as Illumi emerged into the clearing. Just like he did when he brought me home, Killua thought wryly as Illumi sat down next to him.

"Hey Aniki?"

"Yes, Kill?" Illumi replied immediately.

"Can we talk for a bit. About last time?" Killua continued, not too sure where he was going with this. "Of course, Kill. Anything you want." They spent the rest of the night talking about their childhood, Killua slowly piecing together the hidden scenes.

How Illumi had went through heir training, but never shown the love Killua had because of his black hair, eyes and wings. Everyone had shied away from Illumi when he first opened his blank eyes, which slowly grew duller and emptier.

Illumi hated him at first, surprisingly. But then Killua said his black wings were pretty. Just like that, Illumi slowly grew attached to the new light in his life. How the man did everything for Killua he thought best.

Killua digested all that information for a long time. It wasn't enough to forgive Illumi. Killua didn't think anything could erase what his older brother had done. But it was a start.

And you know what?

Killua was fine with that.

_(And they all got along and off into the world, as happy as assassins and a broken family could be.)_

**It all ends there now. Killua goes back home, Gon never knows. Alluka is slowly accepted while the Zoldyck family business continues.** **Illumi gets his precious little brother and family back.**

What happens next is for you to imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY FINISHED IT THIS WAS A HURRICANE GUYS THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!!!!!!!!!


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